Monday, September 22, 2008

Let Go of Fear

Too much fear keeps individuals from truly living their lives. How?

Feel this:
Have you ever experienced that unfathomable, gripping fear wrenching your gut without any possible escape wherever you look? How ever you want to be in another place, there simply is no escape. Not another exit route to go. Nowhere to hide.
Then you start to stop trying in finding ways to get out. And despair consumes you.

Picture this:
There's this philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard who fell in love with a woman. But fearing they would end up in vain, he intentionally broke up their engagement. Still, he continued philosophizing about love but unable to really experience and feel it.
The scenario is somewhat pathetic, right?

To love truly is to let go of one's fear. This is aptly put by Gerald G. Jampolsky's book, “Love is Letting Go of Fear.”
When you love without reservations and drawbacks, that is the real time of being in love.

Let me discuss the commonly over abused phrase, “I love you.”
If you really, really dissect it, the letter “I” passes “Love” to the word, “You”. Thus, if “I” is not yet capable or does not contain love, then what can it give to “You”? Surely, before love can pass from I to You, there should be love from the “I” first.

This means, before somebody can really love another, he/she should have sufficient love within him/herself.
Hence, before saying I love you the next time, be certain that you already have enough love for yourself to be able to truly love another being.
And this, requires letting go of your own fears, your own insecurities, your own doubts. If one is finally able to achieve this, then that is the time you can truly love another person.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Exercise Heals Pain of Abandonment

I am posting this in the hope of giving hope to those that have been abandoned. When you suddenly become a pathetic jerk despite of everything you did. Whew... Good luck to us all!

There you are dumped like the proverbial hot potato.
Take Julie. She was devastated. The man she went out for three years dumped her and with it, their engagement was called off.

She believed that they had a great relationship. Suddenly, and out of the blue, he tells her that he wants to take a break. He is unsure of what he wants in a relationship, and he is calling off the wedding.

Julie is devastated and suffering from the worst kind of rejection. The kind of dismissal when there is no siren warning like a tornado ripping through your living room at dawn. She had no idea that her man was going to abandon her.

In order to work through this pain, Julie can either push it away by denying its existence or face it directly.

If she avoids dealing with this pain, she have difficulty ever resolving it, and she also may suffer from physical or emotional problems. So she has to face the situation and deal with it.
Psychotherapist Bob Livingstone says that among other things you can do to heal from the pain is to get some exercise. Simple exercise can ease the pain. Here are seven ways to do it:
1. First of all, realize that feeling traumatized after getting dumped in this manner is normal. However, you need a way to process your feelings and work through them.
2. Write down an emotional pain question such as “How could he do this to me?” or “How do I feel about him now?” The purpose of writing down this question is to prepare you to focus on it once you begin your exercise.
3. Any aerobic exercise for 15 minutes or more will increase your endorphin levels and bring about a feeling of calmness. Walking, running, skating and swimming are some forms of exercise that you can participate in.
4. Focus on your emotional pain question while you are exercising. While you are working out, the brain chemistry changes, and it gives you a sense of self-confidence and inner peace.
5. Listen to music that provokes an emotional response while you are working out and focusing on your emotional pain question.
6. Choose music that you know will bring up intense memories of your former lover or other songs that trigger earlier memories.
7. Sometimes, these earlier memories can help us gather up the strength to deal with heartbreak.
8. After your workout, write down your thoughts and feelings in journal form.
9. You will notice that writing down your experience will further advance your feelings of sadness, anger and betrayal.

Eventually, you will learn to accept this devastating loss and move on with your life. You will no longer feel like a victim, and your heart will be open for positive energy that may come your way.

-AT's Note: Extracted from SunStar Cebu's Lifestyle section.