Who doesn't love the beginning of a relationship? Everything is still fresh and alive. No fights have yet to occur, and you're still in that dreamy, romantic, idealistic stage where everything's perfect. However, it's important to consider some useful tips to keep everything going smoothly. Here's what to keep in mind.
Expect Reality
You can't expect your relationship to be rainbows, butterflies and unicorns forever. Any relationship is going to turn into a more mature type of love over time. This can seem scary, boring or disappointing for many, but keep in mind that this is an inevitability, and for every part that you might not be looking forward to, there is a benefit that will come from the commitment you're making.
Keep Your Space
Some people race into spending every last second of the day with each other, but you need to remain who you are and who you always were. Many professionals call this differentiation. It's healthy for the two of you to have separate hobbies and to hang out with your own friends. This doesn't mean you can't grow your relationship - it's just pivotal to remember to be two separate people that grow together.
Know Your Speed
Of course, no matter what you do, there will always be moments where you and your loved one are on different speeds. So, you first need to know what your own speed is. For example, if you really do feel that you are ready to move in with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, then it is fine. However, if you feel rushed or pressured, then the situation will likely not work.
Changing Your Life
When you start dating someone new, you might be tempted to entirely change your life or attitude about life to suit them. In fact, you might even expect the boyfriend/girlfriend to change for you. If this is familiar, the relationship is already off to an unhealthy start. This is another part of differentiation - avoiding these pitfalls helps you avoid further worries, such as possessiveness, jealousy and unrealistic expectations.
Don't Start Nitpicking
Some people have a really bad habit of nitpicking a loved one's faults as soon as the relationship begins. Remember, you got into the relationship for a reason, and you must remember that no one person is perfect. This doesn't mean that you should settle and risk being truly unhappy, but you need to be reasonable.
Avoid Talk of Marriage
Unless some extenuating circumstances exist, you should never start talking about marriage the second you start going out with someone. In fact, it really shouldn't even be discussed in the first six months. It might seem like nothing can ever go wrong, but things change as relationships progress. There's no way to predict how your feelings will change. Furthermore, even if things are perfect to you, people can quickly be turned off by premature talk about marriage, so keep your feelings on the DL.
Be Sure
If you really don't know that you want to be exclusive with someone, then you shouldn't enter into a commitment. Honestly, it's just not fair to the other individual, and ultimately, it will not be fair to you either.
New relationships can certainly be exciting, but you can't get your head caught up in the clouds. It's important to remember that you are each unique people with flaws and strengths alike. Keeping this in mind will help you stay grounded as things progress.
Benny Gilmore writes about relationships, counseling and self-help. His recent work is about online counseling degrees.
Today, we tend to find ourselves in an age of materialism. People are buying more than ever, yet the level of reported happiness throughout society is decreasing. We're always surrounded by advertising ploys trying to get us to buy more and more things that we simply don't need. We see billboards selling us vacations and television advertisements telling us that we need the newest fashions, or even toys for our children. This begs the question, what do we truly need? Take a look at this article to help decipher the things you truly need as opposed to those things that you just simply want for pleasure.
Why We Need To Define Wants vs. Needs
It's beneficial to be able to separate wants from needs or many reasons. One reason is that, from a consumer perspective, it can help you save a lot of money. If we get into the habit of only buying things we need, rather than the things that we want, it can save thousands of dollars every year, depending on your current spending habits. It's also beneficial from an internal perspective. Buying everything that we want can make us feel entitled to having those things. It can make us feel that we need them when we really don't. This can lead to a reliance on material things. Simply put, people who buy everything that their heart desires will eventually gain happiness from acquiring things, rather than things that truly matter in life. like spending time with family and friends.
What is a "Need"?
For the purposes of this article, we will discuss needs within the realm of "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs". This is a psychological theory concerning what humans truly need. The five categories of needs in this theory are, in order from most basic to least basic, physiological needs, safety, love/belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Physiological needs are things like food, water, sleep, and other items that the body physically needs to function. Safety refers to security. Security can mean anything from a secure home that is free of intruders to job security. Love needs are needs that are met with good relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic. Esteem refers to the need to be respected and feel confident. The last type of need, self-actualization, is different for every person and defines who we are. It concerns the need to satisfy one's full potential, whether that be in school, work, home life, or hobbies. Your personality defines which of these areas you feel you need to succeed in to be happy.
How to Fulfill These Needs
Physiological needs can be met by maintaining healthy eating and sleeping habits. These are needs that you should never ignore. Safety needs can be met by making sure you are financially stable, as well as physically protected with a good home and support system. Love needs will be met if you maintain healthy relationships. This means choosing the people whom you want to be in your life carefully. Esteem needs help us to feel confident and respected, and are different for every person, as are self-actualization needs. So, fulfilling them will require some introspection.
The thing to remember about differentiation in this aspect is that most people never even realize the importance of the issue. Simply put, most people are so wrapped up in materialism that it never occurs to them that there's a difference between needs and wants. If you're already of the mind that there's reason to rise above the superficial whims of society, you've taken the first step to attaining not only a more frugal life, but a more rewarding and fulfilling one.
