Let Go of Fear

Too much fear keeps individuals from truly living their lives. How?



Feel this:
Have you ever experienced that unfathomable, gripping fear wrenching your gut without any possible escape wherever you look? How ever you want to be in another place, there simply is no escape. Not another exit route to go. Nowhere to hide.
Then you start to stop trying in finding ways to get out. And despair consumes you.

Picture this:
There's this philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard who fell in love with a woman. But fearing they would end up in vain, he intentionally broke up their engagement. Still, he continued philosophizing about love but unable to really experience and feel it.
The scenario is somewhat pathetic, right?

To love truly is to let go of one's fear. This is aptly put by Gerald G. Jampolsky's book, “Love is Letting Go of Fear.”
When you love without reservations and drawbacks, that is the real time of being in love.

Let me discuss the commonly over abused phrase, “I love you.”
If you really, really dissect it, the letter “I” passes “Love” to the word, “You”. Thus, if “I” is not yet capable or does not contain love, then what can it give to “You”? Surely, before love can pass from I to You, there should be love from the “I” first.

This means, before somebody can really love another, he/she should have sufficient love within him/herself.
Hence, before saying I love you the next time, be certain that you already have enough love for yourself to be able to truly love another being.
And this, requires letting go of your own fears, your own insecurities, your own doubts. If one is finally able to achieve this, then that is the time you can truly love another person.

Exercise Heals Pain of Abandonment

I am posting this in the hope of giving hope to those that have been abandoned. When you suddenly become a pathetic jerk despite of everything you did. Whew... Good luck to us all!

There you are dumped like the proverbial hot potato.

Take Julie. She was devastated. The man she went out for three years dumped her and with it, their engagement was called off.

She believed that they had a great relationship. Suddenly, and out of the blue, he tells her that he wants to take a break. He is unsure of what he wants in a relationship, and he is calling off the wedding.

Julie is devastated and suffering from the worst kind of rejection. The kind of dismissal when there is no siren warning like a tornado ripping through your living room at dawn. She had no idea that her man was going to abandon her.

In order to work through this pain, Julie can either push it away by denying its existence or face it directly.

If she avoids dealing with this pain, she have difficulty ever resolving it, and she also may suffer from physical or emotional problems. So she has to face the situation and deal with it.

Psychotherapist Bob Livingstone says that among other things you can do to heal from the pain is to get some exercise. Simple exercise can ease the pain. Here are seven ways to do it:
1. First of all, realize that feeling traumatized after getting dumped in this manner is normal. However, you need a way to process your feelings and work through them.
2. Write down an emotional pain question such as “How could he do this to me?” or “How do I feel about him now?” The purpose of writing down this question is to prepare you to focus on it once you begin your exercise.
3. Any aerobic exercise for 15 minutes or more will increase your endorphin levels and bring about a feeling of calmness. Walking, running, skating and swimming are some forms of exercise that you can participate in.
4. Focus on your emotional pain question while you are exercising. While you are working out, the brain chemistry changes, and it gives you a sense of self-confidence and inner peace.
5. Listen to music that provokes an emotional response while you are working out and focusing on your emotional pain question.
6. Choose music that you know will bring up intense memories of your former lover or other songs that trigger earlier memories.
7. Sometimes, these earlier memories can help us gather up the strength to deal with heartbreak.
8. After your workout, write down your thoughts and feelings in journal form.
9. You will notice that writing down your experience will further advance your feelings of sadness, anger and betrayal.

Eventually, you will learn to accept this devastating loss and move on with your life. You will no longer feel like a victim, and your heart will be open for positive energy that may come your way.

-AT's Note: Extracted from SunStar Cebu's Lifestyle section.

WHEN LOVE DIES(Melanie T. Lim-SunStar Cebu)

SOMETIMES, love dies. And there is no easy explanation for it.

Some of us see it coming. Some of us don’t. But most of us try not to see it at all. Because it is easier to pretend that all is well rather than admit that your dreams have been shattered and you are left only with the broken pieces of your heart.

It hurts to imagine the person we love with someone else. It hurts to no longer be the object of his affections. It hurts to no longer be the centre of his universe. It hurts to no longer be wanted. It hurts to be discarded, replaced and dumped unceremoniously like an old rag that has outlived its usefulness.

It hurts to no longer be loved.

But it happens everyday to the best among us- to the beautiful, the kind, the talented, the smart, the successful, the multi-awarded. It happens to the perfect wife, sister, friend and mother. It happens to the civic leader, the CEO, the cover girl.

Whether or not it’s something we did or didn’t do, sometimes, love just dies. And over thinking (as my sister would say) would serve no purpose.

To be loved is a blessing. But to no longer be loved is not necessarily a tragedy.

We’ve been raised since childhood to believe that love must last forever. And perhaps it must. But isn’t it possible to simply savour the moment and become richer by it without wanting to possess it forever? Isn’t it possible to love and let go and love again?

Isn’t it possible to love forever but to love different people over time?

It’s all right to no longer be loved. It’s all right to stop loving. It’s all right to mourn for love’s losses but to condemn yourself to a life of misery because your love did not last forever is foolhardy. If love must die, let it go peacefully into the night.

But don’t keep score. Love is not a contest. It is not a competition to see who emerges the prettiest, the craftiest or toughest. Love is what it is- a GIFT. It cannot be forced on anyone. Neither can it be forced out of anyone. So let it be.

When love dies, hold on to the memories. But let go of the one you love.

A Night for Dancers- July 19, 2008

So there I was, doing last minute personal touches. What, exactly is expected from a judge for dance contests? My good friend Anjo (who served as the host and organizer), albeit sought me out of necessity (the assigned judge went missing) told me that he was able to determine that I was the ideal emergency substitute because of credibility. Good for him. So, can I be really a worthy judge? Oh-oh...

Lucky me, two groups backed-out from the competition so that left me judging thirteen dance groups since fifteen groups were originally supposed to compete. Lights were bright as I sat on the judge's table facing the stage. The program started with an opening number featuring all the dance groups. My, Cebu can really boast of its local talent to go international, even. All of them are still young who clearly has a passion for dancing and the potential to make it big.

Uh-uhm.. I better be good at this. These young people probably spent sleepless nights practising their moves and perfecting choreography. Plus, they might have gone to extremes in extorting and breaking arms just so their parents and relatives donate to sponsor their uniforms. My, my... crankiness is slowly crawling my nerves. I willed myself to focus-- on the steps, the coordination, the choreo and the overall impact of every dance number. By and by, I found my head slowly shaking with the rhythm of their dance music. I'm actually starting to enjoy the show. One dancer somersaulted, and plop!-- Great! I admire the originality of each group. To interpret a song and make it into a creation is simply ingenious. I made a mental note: Kudos to the trainers! You know in your own heart you are the winner even if I have to sit here and tally scores.

SK officials from Brgy. Ramos should be commended, they have managed to make a simple Brgy. activity into a pillar for youth development by showcasing their talent in dancing. The previous and present Ramos SK officials, together with the whole SK Ramos Team took invaluable cooperation in organizing the wonderful activity for that night. Next time guys, I won't be that hesitant to pitch in what I can contribute. To all the dance participants, losing is one thing but to be a dancer takes a winner to stand up there in the spotlight and strut your stuff. The night indeed was for you, dancers. A BIG, DEAFENING applause to all!

Random Haunts

There she is again,
Haunting me with her eyes,
Her face...
Her look...

Where did I come short?
Or, have I given too much?
Is that why you still continue to haunt me?
Will you ever stop sweetly torturing me?

Oh, the nights
The nights come and along comes my misery--
Just stop, stop!
Stop this unfair illusion.



Tell me, tell me how to let go of something I did not even have...
Tell me how to move on despite of all the sacrifices...
Teach me how to forget, teach me to let it go unconditionally
Give me something to step on...

Let me swallow my pride without hate
Help me to let go without bitterness
Let me face the shame of failure with grace
Give me the strength to set you free-- calmly

That is the only way,
This constricting feeling inside my ribcage right now--
Will finally stop,
And even this end, I will embrace.